a passage of displeasure

Anyone disinterested in honesty, skip this post. For anyone who dislikes intense feelings, pain, or hearing the innards of another... come back another day, when I'm feeling irreverent again. You've had your warning.





I sobbed. The deep kind of sobs that shake your whole body, right from deep within your gut, inside your internal organs, beneath the muscle sheath that helps you breathe. Diaphragm, that's the one. And your entire trunk is racked back and forth.

Last year, across this same numbered distance, our seperate minds still found the same mental stream to swim in. And yet this time, the umbilical cord feels clamped. He's gone his separate way, and is not inviting me along. The thin feelers I send out, the runners of a strawberry plant... they do not find fertile ground.

How can one who’s core I have absorbed into my own, become foreign to me? It’s as though my own arm… no, something more vital: my liver or stomach… an internal organ has suddenly become not my own. It’s not that my body is rejecting it… But its cells, they are no longer my cells. And its continued place within, will only kill me.

The sobbing is my body trying to save itself, begging me to eject him.